Morbid Math for Creepy Kids

Here is a sampling of the word problems you’ll find inside:


In his secret crypt, Igor has 2,003 skulls. In Malvada’s secret crypt, she has 1,789 skulls. How many more skulls does Malvada need to catch up with Igor?
214 skulls
A powerful knight known as the White Death slices open Fangbum the Ogre, and 72 feet of guts fall out. He then slices open the smelly belly of Gobgar the Ogre, and 90 feet of guts spill out. How many more feet of guts spilled out of Gobgar?
18 feet of guts
Bert the Evil Tooth Fairy hid 10,322 baby teeth under his bed. Rats have taken 3,288 teeth from his pile. How many teeth does Bert now have?
7,034 baby teeth
On the hottest day in summer, Abby Normal dumped 300 leeches into a very crowded swimming pool. If each leech was able to drain exactly 1.5 ounces of blood, how many ounces of blood were drained in total?
450 ounces of blood
It’s almost winter, and the Thunder Bear needs to eat 9,000,000 calories before she can safely hibernate for the winter. In the nearby village of Fat and Happy, each person contains 150,000 calories. How many innocent villagers must the Thunder Bear eat before she can hibernate?
60 innocent villagers
Daisy Knuckles runs The Long Piggy, a squalid inn in the half-sunken town of Gator Gullet. One night, like most nights, a fight breaks out in the inn. In order to calm things down, Daisy is required to punch 12 patrons. She knocked out a total of 40 teeth. What is the average number of teeth knocked out per patron?
3.75 knocked-out teeth per patron
Igor has 823 human skulls, 347 animals skulls, and 199 monster skulls (orcs, ogres, trolls, etc). What percentage of Igor’s skulls are monster skulls? Round to the nearest whole number.
You dig a pit in order to fill it with spitting cobras and then your enemies. The snake pit is 20 feet deep, 30 feet wide, and 20 feet long. What is the volume of the snake pit?
12,000 cubic feet
Descending into his secret crypt, Igor walks down 37 steps. Then he trips and falls down the remaining 52 steps before landing at the bottom with a nasty bump on his head. How many steps are there in total?
89 stairs

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